Friday, 8 October 2010

The Judgement But Not Of Solomon.

 For many years it was my privilege to sit as a judge in the “District Court”, now in Scotland called the “Justice of the Peace Court.” Now obviously that job entailed my not discussing particular cases or making statement out with the court that I had not made in the court. I sat on many benches and saw a large variety of people from a variety of backgrounds.

There were many times that I genuinely felt sorry for the person standing before me. It often seemed obvious that circumstances had brought them to where they now stood and they sadly regretted what had happened. It was often clear to me that the appearance in court was punishment enough, the person would not be back standing before me.

There were other times when I felt at a complete loss. It seemed no matter what I did the person before me would be back before me or another judge in the not too distant future. The system had failed them, and me, but more importantly society.

I often wished I had the mind of Solomon and the power to impose such justice.

One of my fellow bloggers is off to Savannah, she said it was a beautiful place full of wonderful metalwork that Jerry would love to see and create. I thought I would take the time to look it up. I googled the name and came up with some interesting things. As I searched deeper and further I came across an interesting article from the local newspaper. I really just had to share it with you. I apologise tot those who may have read it before, I am not sure how widespread it is.

As I read it I thought, here is one person who just might reconsider his actions. I print it as I found it.

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me In Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2010-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.]

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you. But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,


I know as a judge I should not be laughing as I read this again but I have to admit I am. I hope you have a chuckle also. Have a good day and a great weekend.

This blog is linked to my other.  Not Just Any Dog


  1. Divine! Hopefully true! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Good Morning Ralph, we all have guns here! In fact, the citizens in The United States have more guns than our military! and the sad part is we kill each other pretty often. There are more civilian deaths than the deaths of soldiers in
    Afghanistan and Iraq combined. Savannah is beautiful and I am looking forward to seeing Barbra's photos, but you can buy a gun from the local grocery store there!

  3. Seems like that is asking for trouble Jerry. I hope this is one thing we never decide to follow you on .

  4. Well, come on now you two, I'm in downtown Savannah ,, loving every minute , everything I see.. My friend (JoNette) and I walked last night all over downtown and then some... Last I checked we are still in one! wish you were both here... It's wonderful. I'd live here in a heartbeat.

  5. OMG this one is great I am LOL.
    Brings memories from our trip to the South last March.With a better experience of course.
    We do not have gun and I hope it stays this way.
    Thanks for sharing.

  6. Too funny! No victim in this story, just perpetrators. I love Savannah! The great block parks with their park guardians keeping everything tidy. A great place!